I've been wanting to cry lately

I've been wanting to cry lately,

You see as a kid tears ran down my eyes so frequently

People always called me a crybaby, but I wasn't soft. Me? When I got mad, like a chain being broken off a gate all my emotions would flood out at the same time.

But the older I got the harder it's been to communicate how I feel

Well see I can't even I say that, when I talk to me, things are understood, I look in the mirror I know who looks back. 

But like a vampire when YOU look in my mirror you see no reflection.

So as I'm asked how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking a zipper forms over my mouth, even my heart muffling what I say.

"I'm good" 

But who's that for? For you who I fear will judge whatever honesty comes out my mouth or for me who tries to put that energy out in hopes it actually one day I will be good.

Happiness, it's so fleeting. It's like a high, it's amazing once it's here but it is so easy for it to disappear. And we spend so much effort trying to find that same feeling, hell any feeling at all.

And now I usually sit back and watch and what I see is that people are searching just like me. For that happiness, that comfortable space to speak without being judged. One that exists outside their own mind. 

And my heart is weighed down by the tears sitting at the bottom of it that I've held in.

And I say again, sometimes I want to cry. But I don't always no why, it's just a feeling. 

As I struggle to find the space of comfort. I just pray I keep the ability to put it down on paper, in a story. In my art to cleanse my soul and for those fleeting moments, I see the Sun blessing me through the gray.